But there's a subtler, even more insidious anxiety lurking beneath the surface of our gay-marriage win. It's the unsettling possibility that we've spent the past couple of decades fighting to fit into an institution that doesn't necessarily fit us. I wouldn't be surprised to see someone wince if I referred to my partner as my wife. And I might wince a bit myself. We've been so focused on getting marriage "equality" that we've hardly stopped to think about how we'd feel about actually being married.I'm glad Natalie Neutsch wrote this article over at "The Daily Beast" because our nation needs to decide whether or not we will realize American citizen's rights based on a litmus test on how "icky" it might make one feel, or whether we will decide the equal civil rights of all Americans are already enshrined in our constitution. It is time for our nation to live up to its sometimes undeserved reputation of being "The land of the free, and home of the brave."
I don't bring up these concerns very often. Questioning the idea of gay marriage makes people think your goal is to subvert the whole gay-rights agenda—we need numbers, to be unified on this matter as our top concern. For gays to talk about not wanting to get married is taboo. By expressing my doubts, I am clearly a dissenter in this persistent force for progress. But getting married, gay or otherwise, doesn't seem like progress to me.
It seems like conformity, and a way to tame and appease the gay community so we'll go gently into that good night. Don't get me wrong, I am grateful to those who stand up for equality, whether on a senate floor, in a court house, or on a school playground, and I hope that all couples, regardless of gender, have the option to marry if they truly wish. But in terms of what is important for me as an individual, do I want gay marriage to be the be-all end-all? I don't.
Ms. Neutsch doesn't have to get married, and neither do the rest of us who choose not to participate in marriage. That said, I refuse to be part of denying that RIGHT to others. It is awfully self centered to even begin make the argument rights should be denied because it makes one "wince," but there are plenty who, unfortunately, have no problem deciding that is how we should determine civil rights in our country.
As far as Ms. Neutsch's concern marriage is going to be the "be-all end-all." It isn't and it won't, but is one giant step towards full equality for our community and she shouldn't dismiss it.
Oh, and it is ridiculous to state it is taboo in the gay community to admit you don't want to get married. We've had that discussion here at AMERICAblog Gay. What is taboo is telling someone they don't and shouldn't have the right to marry simply because it doesn't interest you.
