Dad wears skirt to show support for 5 y.o. son who likes to wear dresses

Chris thinks this story is adorable.  I'm actually a bit conflicted. Read the snippet first, then let's discuss. Gawker:

"My five year old son likes to wear dresses," says German dad Nils Pickert.

Back when he lived in West Berlin, it was certainly a conversation-starter, but not much more than that. Now, however, Pickert and his son live in a "very traditional" South German village where his son's predilection for dresses is the talk of the town.

"I didn't want to talk my son into not wearing dresses and skirts," Pickert tells the German feminist magazine EMMA. "He didn't make friends in doing that in Berlin already and after a lot of contemplation I had only one option left: To broaden my shoulders for my little buddy and dress in a skirt myself."

Here are my thoughts.

Good that the dad is teaching his son to be himself, and to be proud of himself, whoever he is.

But, I worry about the hate that a young boy is going to be shown wearing a dress. And while it's all well and good to say that that's society's problem, it's also that little boy's problem - he's five years old, I worry about the impact of him being laughed at, pointed to, and mocked every day of his life.  Now, that doesn't mean we should stifle who he really is, which can lead to its own damage.

The thing is, who is he? Is he transgender, or just a boy who likes to wear a dress (and is there a difference?)?

And even if he's "just" a boy who likes to wear a dress (i.e., if he doesn't think he's a girl in a boy's body), is it right to tell him what boys and girls should and shouldn't do?  Isn't this like that little girl at Christmas who went off on the rant about how everyone is trying to make her buy pink toys when sometimes she wants blue toys:



I'm all for breaking down silly societal norms - such as American guys who (used to) fear wearing shoulder bags ("murses" in the vernacular). They don't fear any such thing in Europe, and it's now spreading in the states - though we still wear "big" bags, not the small purse-y ones that Europeans also wear.

But I still worry about it when 5 year olds make social statements. It's one thing to be a civil rights activist as an adult - and it's not easy then - it's quite another to try it at age 5. I remember talking once with someone about what it's like for high school kids who come out and become outspoken gay rights advocates. We like to think it's healthy for them. But being in the spotlight isn't always easy, and it's not for everyone.

Then again, his parents are in the best spot to decide what's best for their kid and how he's handling it.

Your thoughts? Read the rest of this post...

How an evangelical church helped cause Tyler Clementi's suicide

A moving story from the NYT on how Tyler Clementi thought his mom had rejected him because he's gay, and because of her evangelical church.

In her surprise, she had peppered him with questions: “How do you know? Who are you going to talk to? Who are you going to tell?” Tyler told a friend that the conversation had not gone well. His father had been “very accepting,” he wrote in a text message. “Mom has basically completely rejected me.”

At the time Tyler sat down to tell his parents he was gay, she believed that homosexuality was a sin, as her evangelical church taught. She said she was not ready to tell friends, protecting her son — and herself — from what would surely be the harsh judgments of others.

In the months after Tyler’s death, some of Ms. Clementi’s friends confided that they, too, had gay children. She blames religion for the shame surrounding it — in the conversation about coming out, Tyler told his mother he did not think he could be Christian and gay.

She decided she could no longer attend her church, because doing so would suggest she supported its teachings against homosexuality. And she took strength from reading the Bible as she reconsidered her views.

So if you ever wanted to know whether, and how, the religious right's hatred of gays literally kills gay kids, now you know. Read the rest of this post...

Anti-gay Amish pastor guilty

Some respect for family and children. From the NYT:

Photo via Shutterstock

After only four hours of deliberation, a federal jury in Burlington, Vt., found an Amish-Mennonite pastor guilty of abetting international parental kidnapping in a widely publicized case involving a same-sex union and religious opponents of homosexuality.

After splitting up with her former partner, Janet Jenkins, in 2003, Ms. Miller, who is not related to Mr. Miller, moved to Virginia, declared herself a born-again Christian, tried in court to strip Ms. Jenkins of her parental rights and interfered with mandated visits. In 2009, as a frustrated Family Court judge in Vermont threatened to transfer custody of the girl, Ms. Miller disappeared with her daughter.

Read the rest of this post...

Gay couples feel pressure to have kids

NYT:

For some couples, it is another welcome sign of their increasing inclusion in the American mainstream. But for others, who hear the persistent questions at the office, dinner parties and family get-togethers, the matter can be far more complicated.

Many gay men had resigned themselves to the idea that they would never be accepted by society as loving parents and assumed they would never have children. They grieved that loss and moved on, even as other gay men and lesbians fully embraced childless lives. So the questions can unearth bittersweet feelings and cause deep divisions within a couple over whether to have children at all, now that parenting among same-sex couples is becoming more common.

Okay, these next two paragraphs made me laugh:

But some gay men who have no plans to have children view the shift as something of a mixed blessing. On one hand, they welcome the sense of inclusion that comes with always being asked about children. On the other hand, they are always being asked about children.

Rudolph Chandler, 57, and George Walker, 43, who married in 2010, thought long and hard before they decided against having children. They say they greatly admire their friends who are parents. But these days, they are asked so often about their child-rearing plans that they roll their eyes oh-so-subtly when it comes up. “It’s irritating, tiring,” said Mr. Chandler, a health economist.

Welcome to equality. We all got pestered by mom and grandma about when we were going to get married, and once folks get married, then they get pestered about having kids.

I will say that I suspect the issue is more complicated for some gay people because, as the article notes, a lot of us grew up "accepting" that we'd never find love, and we most certainly would never get married or have kids.  The fact that that's changed, that the impossible has become possible, is a big leap with a lot of baggage for some people.

Then again, we wouldn't be the first people to have issues with family, including whether to start our own.  This is all part and parcel of the equality package.  Straight couples' headaches are now ours. Read the rest of this post...

HRC releases landmark youth study

HRC Releases Landmark Survey of LGBT Youth

A new report HRC released today is showing tremendous disparities between straight teenagers and LGBT-identified youth. The report, available at www.hrc.org/youth, marks the beginning of new president Chad Griffin's tenure at HRC, and illustrates how critical the work of achieving full equality is for future generations. Among the report's key findings:

- Over one-half of LGBT youth (54 percent) say they have been verbally harassed and called names involving anti-gay slurs;

- Nearly half of LGBT youth (47 percent) say they do not "fit in" in their community while only 16 percent of non-LGBT youth feel that way;

- 67 percent of straight youth describe themselves as happy but this number drops to 37 percent among LGBT young people;

- 83 percent of LGBT youth believe they will be happy eventually, but only 49 percent believe they can be happy if they stay in the same city or town;

- 6 in 10 LGBT youth say their family is accepting of LGBT people, while a third say their family is not;

- 92 percent say they hear negative messages about being LGBT -- 60 percent say those messages come from elected leaders.

- When asked to describe their most important problem, straight teens articulated the usual challenges of grades and college and finances. On the other hand LGBT teens' worries were directly related to their identity as LGBT including non-accepting families and bullying.

The report is the first in a series of efforts to analyze the landscape for LGBT youth. Over the next several months, HRC will be engaging in additional analysis that will provide a better understanding of the unique experiences of specific groups of youth, for example transgender youth, those of different races, religious traditions, etc.

Check out a full copy of the report at: http://www.hrc.org/youth

Read the rest of this post...

Come out to support the Trevor Project if you’re in DC on Wednesday, June 6

If you’re in the DC area and looking for something to do on Wednesday night, June 6th, join supporters of The Trevor Project at the annual Capitol Pride Fundraiser. This year’s event is being held at Town Danceboutique starting at 6:30pm. Tickets are available at www.TheTrevorProject.org/paintthetown.

In addition to food, music and a hosted bar, we’ll hear remarks from openly gay Representative Jared Polis (D-CO), a leader on LGBT rights - especially on youth issues - and the first gay parent in Congress.

There will also be two DJs and a performance by recording artist Matt Zarley (read about his appearance in the Washington Blade). You can find out more about the event on Facebook or on The Trevor Project’s site.

The Trevor Project, the leading national organization providing crisis intervention and suicide prevention services to lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender and questioning (LGBTQ) youth, is using this Pride season to roll out their latest campaign - “NTL.” Need to Talk Live is a campaign geared to encouraging people to reach out beyond text, chat or email to get support when you’re in crisis. Introducing "NTL" into our online and phone communications is a way of engaging in a more meaningful way (something the Associated Press wrote about yesterday) and a key step in preventing suicide.

Personally, this is an important organization to me that I’ve volunteered with for two years. I’ve spoken to youth about suicide prevention and the fact that gay and bisexual kids are four times more likely to attempt suicide than their straight peers. Youth from rejecting homes are more than eight times more likely to attempt suicide. In leading workshops on suicide prevention, I’ve spoken with kids who have used Trevor’s services as well as youth who had personal experience with friends and peers completing suicide. The impact of their work is truly remarkable.

Look into supporting Trevor in anyway you can. You can go here for volunteer opportunities in cities across the US and here for more information on the services they provide. Read the rest of this post...

Cross-dressing male student permitted to wear dress at graduation

It's an interesting question as to whether it matters that he's a gay male cross-dresser rather than someone who feels that he was born into the wrong gender (I'm unclear on the terminology). Would he have a stronger argument if he were the latter rather than the former. Some would argue that both involve expressing your true self. Fair enough. But then does that negate all school dress codes? It's an interesting article, and interesting compromise by the school. Read the rest of this post...

Anonymous gay group shakes up evangelical college

The good news - the school, Biola University, won't expel the kids so long as they seek help. Lovely.

[Vice President for Student Development] Grace dismissed the notion that students who are "struggling with homosexuality" would face expulsion. "I guess you'd almost call that a myth that students would get expelled for that," Grace said. Instead, Biola offers students an "open-door policy" to talk about their struggles and receive spiritual counseling. But he makes it clear that for a student who identifies as gay and is engaging in "gay behavior and unwilling to uphold our community standards we would initiate the dismissal process."

Debate about the group has raged among students and in the campus newspaper.

Samuel Smith, a cinema and media arts major, objected to the fact the members won’t come forward. “If you want an honest and true discussion about what they're going through, I feel they shouldn't be anonymous.”

Alexis Hughes, a biblical studies major, said the gay group’s anonymity is telling. "Obviously, if it's underground, they know it’s wrong and on some level they know they shouldn't be doing it"

Yeah, like the Underground Railroad, and the French Resistance - they were both underground too, and anonymous. Guess it's because they knew at some level they shouldn't be doing it.

Heckuvan education they're getting there at Ebola University. Read the rest of this post...

The most dangerous place for a child in America is between a Palin and a TV camera

Helga Esteb / Shutterstock.com

It matters because the media refuses to stop printing what this emotional and intellectual child has to say. Then so be it.

Two weeks ago, Sarah Palin's daughter, Bristol, weighed in about President Obama's support for marriage equality. Bristol opined that the President was failing to appreciate the important role fathers play in the lives of their children.

This from an unwed mom who refused to marry her child's father, or even live with him.

But it gets better.

Bristol has a new "reality show" in which she moves to Los Angeles with her child, leaving the kid's father 3,000 miles behind in Alaska.

Read the rest of my post about Bristol Palin at the main AMERICAblog site. Read the rest of this post...

Court: Gay student may wear "Jesus is not a homophobe" shirt, gets $20k

I'll be curious to see a longer story about this. Read the rest of this post...

Zach Wahls on Letterman

Zach is the young guy who gave the great speak to the Iowa legislature a year ago about his two moms.

Read the rest of this post...

Male student yanked off stage for expressing hope to marry a guy some day

Nasty story.  At least the principal wised up quickly and apologized the next day.  I'm impressed as hell that a high school student was willing to acknowledge on stage that he hoped in ten years he'd be married, to a guy. Read the rest of this post...

Student sues to wear "Jesus is not a homophobe" shirt

Love the shirt.  And gutsy kid.  From ABC News:

A gay high school student in Ohio who claims his freedom of expression was violated over a T-shirt is taking his school district to federal court.

Waynesville High School student Maverick Couch, 16, says he was threatened with suspension for wearing a T-shirt reading “Jesus Is Not A Homophobe” and bearing the Christian fish symbol. Couch wore the shirt last year in support of the “Day of Silence,” an annual event sponsored by the Gay, Lesbian and Straight Education Network where students spend a day in silence to raise awareness of anti-gay bullying and harassment.

Couch, a sophomore, claims in his lawsuit, filed Tuesday in U.S. District Court in Cincinnati, that he was told by the school’s principal, Randy Gebhardt, that the shirt was “indecent and sexual in nature” and had to be worn inside out.

Let's see how sexual it is after the first student is beaten up, or commits suicide, because of the intolerant tone set by the school. Then you're really going to see a lawsuit. Read the rest of this post...

Utah passes abstinence-only sex ed bill, bans any discussion of homosexuality even if student asks

Funny, the Mormons are usually such tolerant people. Read the rest of this post...

AP exposé on the plight of homeless gay, trans youth

An incredibly in-depth piece on gay/trans homeless youth from AP's Verena Dobnik:

Gizmo Lopez, 19, comes from a staunchly Catholic family with Puerto Rican roots. She now sleeps on the subway.

"I'm bisexual, and my stepfather didn't approve; he said it's wrong," said the teenager, whose mother died two years ago.

Her father moved to Puerto Rico with her two half-brothers, leaving her behind — alone in the family's apartment on Manhattan's Lower East Side. One day afternoon, when she came home from school, "I found a pink slip on the door."

She was evicted.

Catholic family values. Then again, dad was only following the lead of the Catholic bishops, who routinely hate on gays.

The support saved Demetrius Smith, an 18-year-old who left his great-grandmother's Michigan farm years ago because "she whipped me, and she beat me with an umbrella because she thought I acted like a girl."

He bought food and other necessities by working as an escort.

Just wow. Read the rest of this post...

A child scarred for life after "the talk" about Uncle Bob’s friend Pete

RedCognito:

I’ve been forced to explain homosexuality to my kids (aged 3 and 4) because their uncle is gay. This incredibly difficult and traumatic experience went as follows:

Child: Why does Uncle Bob go everywhere with Pete?
Me: Because they’re in love, just like Mummy and Daddy are.
Child: Oh. Can I have a biscuit?

We’re all scarred for life. Scarred, I tell you.

Read the rest of this post...

Hateful bigoted Tennessee is at it again

Tennessee was a slave state. Big surprise there. I don't why anyone would do business in this state. They go out of their way to bash gays. Again, big surprise that they were a slave state. Like far too many states, they seem to find their bigotry a badge of honor. Especially Tennessee Republicans, who were famous for their racist attacks on the President and First Lady during the 2008 campaign.

Last year Tennessee repealed every municipal civil rights ordinance in the state, and banned new ones (we wouldn't want black people, among others, getting too many rights). This time they're banning the word "gay" in Tennessee schools, likely in the hopes that gay kids will simply kill themselves when they can't get help from their teachers and counselors.  The only slim silver lining is that if they pass this legislation, and some kid does hurt themselves or get hurt, this can be used as proof of animus and hopefully get the kid and his family millions in a lawsuit.

Hateful bigoted place, Tennessee. Remember that the next time you have the option of passing through the state, working there, or otherwise. Spend your money elsewhere. Read the rest of this post...

SPLC threatens to sue Alabama school district for refusing to let gays attend prom, wear "gay" sweatshirts

From Tuscaloosa News:

The Tuscaloosa County Board of Education is facing a demand from the Southern Poverty Law Center that school system officials allow same-sex couples to attend school proms and respect the constitutional rights of gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender students, or face a federal lawsuit.

The Montgomery-based SPLC stated in a letter sent to the school system Wednesday that on Jan. 5, Brookwood High School Assistant Principal Thad Fitzpatrick asked Elizabeth Garrett, a 15-year-old 10th-grader at Brookwood, to remove her sweatshirt that displayed the words, “Warning, This Individual Infected With ‘The Gay,' Proceed With Caution.”

In its letter, the SPLC tells the Tuscaloosa County School System that it has until Feb. 1 to stop its alleged censorship of speech supportive of lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender people and its prohibition against same-sex couples at the prom.

Wolfe said if the school system doesn't meet the SPLC's demands, it will be in violation of Garrett's First and Fourteenth Amendment rights and a lawsuit will be filed in federal court against the system seeking an injunction, damages and attorneys' fees.

Read the rest of this post...

NPR on the crisis of homeless LGBT kids

NPR ran a yesterday this morning focusing on the plight of homeless LGBT youth.

A number of studies of homeless youth in big cities put forth a startling statistic: Depending on the study, somewhere between 30 and 40 percent of homeless youths identify as lesbian, gay, bisexual or transgender.

It's largely because gay youths are more often kicked out of their homes than straight youths. And even if they are not kicked out, they may feel so uncomfortable that they leave.

In New York City, nearly 4,000 young people are homeless every night — many of them gay.

The piece focuses on New York City, where there are 250 beds for 3,800 youth and where a budget deal nearly cut about 100 of those beds. Considering we know that gay and bisexual kids from rejecting homes are eight times more likely to attempt suicide than their straight peers it's sadly unsurprising that they would be homeless at higher rates. As Elena Wood of Safe Horizon's Streetwork Project put it,

..."The parent might not say, 'You have to get out now,' like, 'I am kicking you out,' especially since that is illegal if they are under 18," she says. "It's a fine line between what is their choice and what is not."

Carl Siciliano, the founder and executive director of the Ali Fourney Center, raises some really important questions in the article about our focus on LGBT rights for adults as opposed to services for kids. It's not an either/or issue, but we certainly need to make sure we don't lose sight of the kids who are coming out younger and younger. Read the rest of this post...

Lesbian couple crowned homecoming king and queen in CA

At first I thought "good."  Now I'm not entirely sure I get it.  First I read her statement about changing traditions, and that I didn't totally see as applicable here - it's not like the homecoming queen is a lesser position than homecoming king (at least I don't think so):

Arellano posted a statement to those who opposed her on her Facebook wall that read: "For all the girls who think tradition should be continued, go back to the kitchen, stop having sex before you're married, get out of school and job system, don't have an opinion, don't own any property, give up the right to marry who you love, don't vote, and allow your husband to do whatever he pleases to you. Think about the meaning of tradition when you use it in your argument against us."

Then she went on to say that she didn't think it was fair that they couldn't run as a couple. Now that's different. Having avoided homecoming like the plague (as a in the closet gay high school student, you tend to avoid opposite sex dances), I'm not 100% sure how it worked or works. But now that I think about it, the football captain and his cheerleader girlfriend did win one year I was there, I think. So if that's what often happens - if couples often run together on a ticket - then I can see their point. Read the rest of this post...